Car Culture was a Mistake 5: Elon Skum and the Cybertruck

CyberTrucks have no concept of
EL-E-GENCE!

Just before Thanksgiving Ryan Cooper delivered a blistering article on the wholly ridiculous Cybertruck;  The Cybertruck is the dumbest thing I've ever seen...

It’s anyone’s guess how much of a success or failure the truck will be, though the fact that at time of writing there is, incredibly, still no official information about price or battery capacity doesn’t bode well. But we can conclude that the Cybertruck is just possibly the dumbest vehicle ever produced. 

Cooper notably ridicules Skum's boast about the Cybertruck stopping an arrow shot by rightwing meathead Bro Rogan, 

“Joe Rohan [sic] shatters an arrow on Cybertruck that would easily go through a normal car,” Musk boasted on Twitter.

Thank heavens, all the commuters facing constant raids from massed formations of 13th-century Mongolian horse archers can rest easy. (No word on if the truck is resistant to ballistas, trebuchets, onagers, or mangonels.) Though if you’re actually out in the wilderness, you might not be able to get away from attacking cavalry; a recent video posted on Twitter shows the Cybertruck struggling mightily to get up a small hill that wouldn’t trouble a Subaru Forester.

Impractical.  Inefficient.  Ugly.  Costly.  Dangerous.  Poorly crafted.  Poorly designed.  Terrible.  Inelegant...

This is a what a child of the 1980's drawing of a future truck would look like.  Comparisons to 1980's computer game generated futuristic tanks to the vehicles made for the 1982 box-office flop Megaforce are all apt but, the best descriptor I read described it as a cubists interpretation of a Penis.   

The lines and materials used in the construction of the Cybertruck guarantee it will be murderous to pedestrians and deadly to drivers in other cars and their owners as well, much to chagrin of its buyers, since one of the prime reasons to buy such a monstrosity is to slice through other vehicles while you drive recklessly.  The Cybertruck will be unsafe at any speed and with 845HP boy will it speed.  "Move fast and break things" indeed...

But, far worse than the horrific design is the materials and performance.  It can't store anything in the "truck bed".  It can't tackle the gentlest of off-road slope.  Self Drive mode is as flawed, faulty, and dangerous as with every other Tesla.

Having just written about the blinding of opposing drivers with eye-level ultra bright LEDs it comes as no surprise the Cybertruck is equipped with a ridiculous and probably road illegal single horizontal LED.

The description of Tesla's as $100,000 MAGA hats continues to be correct as Elon Skum just reinstated chief rightwing propagandist Alex Jones.  In fact, the average Tesla owner is this guy, Nathaniel Radimak, so I'm super excited to see what Musk Fanbois can do while driving this CyberDalek on America's highways.

Every Tesla car crash is Operator Error

Earlier this month another MV-22 Osprey crashed, killing all Marines aboard, which brought back memories of the Department of Defense repeated defense of the fragile tilt-rotor aircraft, by ascribing every crash to 'pilot error'.  I'm thankful I didn't have to fly in one when I was in the Corps.

The NHTSA has revealed that during Tesla Autopilot crashes, the autopilot, "aborted vehicle controls less than one second prior to the impact."  The despicable, odious, Apartheid lovin' Elon Musk, has repeatedly cast all the crashes involving his shit-boxes as driver error.  

MotorTrend took pains, in their article to label those pointing out that this is damning evidence as"Tin-foil-hat types" and stated the intent of the Autopilot deactivations is a "mystery" and there's no evidence (published yet) that it's nefarious, because they don't won't to alienate the Tesla fanboys or Musk's company by accurately reporting that Tesla Motors, while once considered cutting edge and iconic, is no longer a technological leader and is fading fast due to Elon Musk's despicable behavior and borderline personality disorder.

This, of course, ignores the long history of corporate malfeasance in America and elsewhere as companies have more than willingly sentenced people to death because they know the rules of large numbers mean that while a certain number of people will be harmed people can rest assured surely no company would ever harm it's customers!  Still, MotorTrend couldn't help but proclaim those who are less than trusting of Deplorable Musk and Tesla programmers and would ascribe bad intent to a company are nutters;

From where we're sitting, it'd be fairly idiotic to knowingly program Autopilot to throw control back to a driver just before a crash in the hopes that black-box data would absolve Tesla's driver assistance feature of error.