Crafting a Conservative Narrative

All you need are Lies.

The Republican Party has spent much energy successfully crafting an alternate reality in which their Right Wing Toxic Media Scum and Battered Voters can wallow. In this alternate reality Republicans are Heroes instead of cheap disgusting fascist corporate lackeys who hate America and wish to destroy Democracy and instill a Hegemonic One Party Republican Rule. The End Goal of Republican Government is the murdering of all non-Americans, the assignment of the Poor to perpetual slavery and the working of Americans to death in Corporate Bondage. Republicans have largely succeeded in these goals in the Coal and Oil Industry which claims the lives of thousands of Americans who work for slave wages.

However, the majority of Americans have not accepted the Republican Fascist Lies and on a nationwide scale are steadily voting for Liberals and good respectful governance. Occasionally their are setbacks, Michele Bachmann and Steve King can eke out victories in their heavily gerrymandered districts in which conservative bigots take a baseball bat to their heads and groins and convince themselves they aren't voting for the criminally insane.

In this Sideways Conservative Universe, Sarah Palin is smart and not as mentally deficient as her son Trig, Conservative Cowards Ronald Reagan, Karl Rove, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and every speaker at the CPAC convention are War Heroes and not fucking disgraceful Chicken Hawk Cowards:

A quick look at the list of CPAC Speakers:

Dick Armey - most inappropriately named congressman ever, voted Aye for the 2002 Authorization of Force, voted Nay on the Oath of Enlistment.

John Ashcroft - 6 Vietnam Deferments, that even surpasses Dick Cheney!

Michele Bachmann - She has made the citizens armed and dangerous and has taken a blood oath against America's Greatest Enemy, The President...

Glenn Beck - Beck is the Generalissimo of the 9/12 Army and is currently at war with the Marxists, who infest his mind. Never served in the American Army.

John Bolton - "I confess I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy" He was glad Liberals died over in Vietnam because it increased his chances of congressing with women.

Andrew Breitbart - Ring leader of a botched Conservative Domestic Terrorist incident led by racist James O'Keefe. Oh he never served.

Robert Davi - I know what you're going to say, he's an Actor and played a Vietnam Vet and FBI Agent in the Greatest Movie Evar, Die Hard.

Tucker Carlson - Bow Ties and floppy hair are persona non grata in the military.

Liz Cheney - shouldn't she be anti-war? It's the whole reason she even exists as Liz managed to keep her father out of Vietnam.

Ann Coulter - no comment.

Jim DeMint - he's a Republican of course he didn't serve.

Newt Gingrich - Three Divorces = Three Purple Hearts in Conservative Wisdom.

Tim Pawlenty - a typical Republican Kleptocrat, Pawlenty has been in Government since 1988, 22 years without a real job. Hey Tim! The Government doesn't create jobs!

Mike Pence - even though nothing was going on in the late 1970's when he turned 18, still declined to serve.

Tom Price - Damn it, he's a Doctor not a Soldier!

Mitt Romney - I hear that during the Vietnam war the french peppered Mormon missionaries with baguettes daily. It was hairy. His 5 Sons inherited his Cowardice and never served either.

Marco Rubio - could've served in the Gulf War, choose to go into politics as soon as he was done with law school. Isn't the lack of military service and being a DC Lawyer what the Right claims is wrong with Democrats?

Rick Santorum - must have been adopted because his Father worked as a Doctor in the VA hospital system in the 70's, tough work with so many wounded vets. Rick didn't inherit any of his father's desire to be close to the military.

Erick Erickson - puffy faced racist Birther, was so angry that 130 Macon Georgia Police Officers wanted to unionize, Erickson stated: I’m thinking I’ll have the City Attorney draft me legislation to dissolve the police department and contract with the Sheriff to provide public safety services. So like all conservatives Erickson not only hates the Military but Police Officers as well.

Jason Mattera, Racist - Quite Infamous amongst Generation Chicken Hawk, the Young Conservatives who are convinced America is involved in World War IV yet have no intention of risking their pasty asses. Operation Yellow Elephant has deatiled posts concerning Mattera's legendary cowardice and despicable behavior. Mattera is quiet a loathsome man and a typical conservative a coward who has railed for years that Radical Islam is the biggest threat to America and this generation's struggle but has spent the last 7 years on College Campuses "fighting" liberal professors and struggling to sculpt his eyebrows just right.

Chicken Hawks one and all.

Of course, there's a simple explanation for Republican Cowardice. When Liberals undertake more dangerous assignments and hazardous duty while Republicans seek deferments and avoid serving overseas Republicans know they have a better chance of conniving women to have sex with them. Republicans are only able to have heterosexual sex when the woman has been duped and Republicans only get homosexual sex when they pay for it, which is often.

Democrats unfortunately think Republicans are serious when they wave flags and champion war, but the only reasons cowards like Karl Rove, Saxby Chambliss, Dick Cheney and Jason Mattera root for war is because they can't get women when held in competition with Liberals, so they hope Liberals will go to war and die.

But, ultimately the sad realization is the Alternate Reality Spun by Hannity, Coulter, Malkin, Limbaugh, Fox News is real to conservatives. Conservatives cling to their shackles and won't fight this insanity, won't struggle to free their minds and loosen their bonds but instead will aid the Republican Party in enslaving the rest of America who strives to live a life of Freedom and Liberty in accordance with the Founding of the Nation.

A Life which the Republican Party seeks to Destroy.