Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Paul Ryan doesn't want to be Speaker of the House because it'll cut into his Gym Time

P90X Ryan is known in Washington D.C. for to things; his fanatical weight lifting sessions and wanting to steal Social Security and Medicare in order to kill Old Americans.

With John Boenher's crisis of faith and decision to step aside as Speaker of the House, the Republican  Congress has imploded. No one in the House has the 100% undiluted, Conservative blood of pure evil necessary to satisfy the Right-Wing fanatics who have gerrymandered their way into the People's House.

Ryan's Reverse-Robin Hood Budget shenanigans are legendary and lauded by Republicans in their ceaseless effort to swindle the Middle Class and transfer more wealth up to the 1%. Yet, Paul Ryan is too liberal for the Tea Bagging euphemistically titled Freedom Caucus. Even Phyliss Schflay emerged from her crypt to decry Ryan's possible Speakership.

The only one who approaches the necessary 100% purity of bile and rancor required to be the Perfect Conservative is Dick Cheney, who pure evil was only slightly diluted by the introduction of a stolen transplant heart.

So, the Republicans are going to flail away for awhile and the Beltway Press and Media will continue to ask inane questions like; How did this happen? and Aren't the Democrats to blame because, ya know, Both Sides Do It? as they pin away from the Ghost of Undead Zombie Reagan to emerge from the recesses of their imaginations and Lead.


Jerry Critter said...

How did this happen? One word - karma.

Grung_e_Gene said...

Jerry Critter,
No can't be because that would mean Republicans actions have to somehow be objectively wrong and as we know that's just Liberals being uncharitable and attacking Republicans unfairly when we know there's no difference between the parties and both sides do it!

Jerry Critter said...

You've got a point G_e_G. Liberals are always trying to "steal" conservatives money.

W. Hackwhacker said...

How about removing Cheney's transplant (a heart is irrelevant to him) and putting it into Ghost of Undead Zombie Reagan? You're welcome!