The Gay Panic of Louie Gohmert

"And if anything, these kids are less innocent — these 16 and 17 year-old beasts…and I've seen what they're doing on YouTube and I've seen what they're doing all over the internet — oh yeah — The kids are egging the Congressman on! The kids are trying to get this out of him." ~ Matt Drudge defends Republican pervert Mark Foley because... well, because Foley is a Republican and IOKIYAR.

So holiday travel caused me to miss the Congress and President Obama succeeding with many legislative victories. The most interesting one was the end of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and the civil rights victory for homosexual women and men in gaining the freedom to serve openly in the military.

Of course, Republicans hate freedom and liberty and wish to force Americans back into the bigoted white, christian, heteronormative gulag the conservative movement longs to force down the throats of every American. So, while it's unsurprising that a mere 23 Republican Senators and Congressmen voted to end DADT, it's safe to say that 90% of Republicans are ignorant bigots who hate America.

A key Republican Champion for bigotry is Congressman Louie Gohmert of Texas. Gohmert is most famous for his "Terror Babies" declaration, that America is being invaded by muslims who will have children here then leave, indoctrinate these children as terrorists and let them return (since they are American citizens) as sucidie bombers 20 years later. When pressed by Anderson Cooper who stated flatly, "the FBI says it's not happening" and asked Gohmert to provide the slightest shred of evidence for his cheap pulp fiction scare story, a blubbering Gohmert floundered, stammering "You going to keep me honest! It's happening! It's happening!" and became a mass of incomprehensible gibbering jelly, most Republicans are mounds of flabby pasty jelly sans courage.

Well, following the victory for freedom, Gohmert took to the House floor to recall a tale of gay panic which he suffered back in his military days. The story centered around a gay soldier who apparently made a pass at Gohmert no doubt after he caught Louie staring too long at him while in the showers or after Louie offered the soldier some extra wrestling practice.

Louie was of course super offended. How dare that muscly tight bodied hunk of a soldier tempt Louie Gohmert!

Now, here's the thing, to many conservatives this story sound like a terrible threat which is going to afflict our young men in the service. You see, conservatives don't have any first hand experience with the matter because conservatives are cowards and chicken hawks who don't serve in the military, so they'll have to get there stories second or third hand (but please don't make that a dirty thing).

I, as a Liberal, love America and served in the Marine Corps, so I know about barracks life. The Marines have the worst male-female ratio of all the services (19 to 1). The Army has the most female members of all the branches, so it's interesting that Louie always focused on the men while he was in, but I'm sure he only admired their tight bodies abstractly and nothing more.

Anyway, in the Corps, whenever a young lady transferred to my company and into the barracks her first night would be met by a number of male Marines knocking on her door to introduce themselves. This happened on numerous occasions and barracks fire watch often was tasked with stopping foot traffic to the female barracks area.

Of course, Louie wouldn't know anything about this as his Army time was spent praying to god to remove those mental images of sexy army boys parading their "overt homosexuality" past him.