President Newt Gingrich Perfect Republican

Updated: From Addicting Info, 18 Newt Gingrich quotes, which capture his "wit" perfectly.

Updated 2: From Vox Verax, Gingrich no 'man of principle'. Dang, Gingrich has so many flaws, crimes, evil statements I forget about his 84 ethics violations and $300,000 USC fine from the House Ethics Committee.

Newt Gingrich is a perfect epitome of the Republican Party. Let's put aside his puffy-faced, expansive derriere, bulbous belly, giant swooping helmet hair and focus on his inane statements. Paul Krugman, via Ezra Klein, perfectly describes Newt as "he's a stupid man's idea of what a smart man sounds like..."

When Pinot Paul Ryan (ooh he's soooo dreamy!) unveiled his Fuck You, America the Republicans are stealing your Medicare and Social Security, Newt blasted it as "rightwing social engineering".R. Limbaugh and the Rightwing demanded Newt genuflect and repent. Newt dutifully did this by stating, "[A]ny ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood."

Gingrich has now revealed his plan to steal Social Security and roll it into Wall Street. Gingrich didn't use the term "privitaztion" because after George W. Bush's debacle failed in 2005, Republicans have tried different labels.

Basically, Gingrich's plan would eliminate pay-as-you-go, guaranteed-benefit system to a system of individual retirement accounts in which workers invest in stocks, bonds and mutual funds during their working lives and use the proceeds of those investments during retirement.

So, when Goldman Sachs invents another derivative scheme and knowingly peddles junk investments but tells you they are Triple A rated when in fact they are worthless when you go to collect, Oops, that's the Free Market! You should have done better diligence as the investor!

Of course, delving into a little of Newt's history we could start with his ridiculous infidelity and hypocrisy punctuated by the infamous 'cancer-bed divorce story'. While, the true story of Newt divorcing his cancer-stricken first wife isn't as bad as has been told, Newt did get her to sign divorce papers as she was convalescing from cancer-treatments so he could bed his new wife until Newt started cheating on his that wife while bemoaning Bill Clinton's cheating. As a perfect republican Gingrich isn't merely a hypocrite when it comes to sexual peccadilloes but also money. It was recently revealed that Gingrich earned $1.6 Million USC acting as a DC Insider lobbyist for Freddie Mac. Gingrich defended himself by saying he was hired as a historian. History has never been so profitable!

But, Gingrich is able to hold two separate ideas in his head similtaneously! Thus when confronted on the facts of his 35 year Hisotry in Washington DC Newt stated he's both a Washington DC Insider and a Washington DC Outsider!

On foreign policy: When President Obama declared the Libya Mission, the Right floundered around trying to figure out how to vilify the President while keeping their pretend Support the Troops label. Nobody on the Right floundered as much as Newt Gingrich. Like a stack of flabby flapjacks, Newt flip-flopped between supporting bombing and not supporting any intervention. Finally ending with... with... Well, he flopped around so much I don't know what viewpoint Gingrich concluded upon.

Now the reason Gingrich probably didn't know how to bash the President on Libya was last year Dinesh D'Souza released a hilariously titled "Roots" book which proclaimed Barack Obama is ruled by the african muslim ghost of his dead father to overthrow and kill whitey. Newt Gingrich chimed in, “What if Obama is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]? That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior.”

Gingrich's "Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior" statement caused David Frum to ask, Why do Forbes (which presumably has many choices of cover material) and Gingrich imagine that such a message will resonate with their conservative audience?

On jobs: Gingrich has a plan to fire janitors and hire their 9 year old kids to take their jobs. Gingrich proclaimed,

“It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in, first of all, child laws, which are truly stupid. Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school.”

Newt's never had a real job so I'm sure he's never seen what a Custodian does everyday but, what a plan! Eliminate jobs from working class adults and distract and demean minority and disadvantaged students by making them pick up the trash and clean up the messes of their fellow students. Meanwhile, children of the proper class would need not suffer the ignominy of cleaning because the sons of janitors would be relegated to that task as befits their station.

All that need be said of Newt Gingrich are his own words, “This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works."